Poem for Ullambana

Mother's Love

Under the sun of winter, warm

Under mother’s love, infinity lucky

When you hungry, someone prepares the meal for you

Weather change cold, someone asks you warm enough or not

Storm or rain, someone worries you might get wet

When you travel far, someone worries about you

When you are sick, someone forget to sleep and eat

Every day and night, someone wish you brave and diligent

Since young till old, someone blesses you healthy and happy

Under the sun of winter, warm

Under mother’s love, infinity lucky

Mother’s love, we never can repaid

Mother’s love is far beyond all measure

To all mothers, I love you

Greed

From my last article on learning, I talked about greed. I have to tell a funny story about this greed. Years ago, my husband bought a big TV. I mean it was big, real big. He told my sister this big TV was on special in Big W if she wanted to get one for herself. She watched our TV and enjoyed it very much. So she was determined to get one for herself. On that particular day, she rang her husband from work, woke him up and made sure her husband got there first thing when the shop opened. She couldn’t trust her husband so she took a sicky and went to the shop with her husband. Finally she got what she wanted a big TV. She got home and cleared all her stuff out from her room, placed her TV in and realised her room was too small for it. She then put all her stuff back to where they were and finally found some room in her living room for this big TV. After all this running around and hard work, she connected her TV. She was exhausted and saw her craving for a big TV drove her to do all these. She laughed out loud and told everybody about her lesson. The way she described her greed is hilarious. Don’t we all have this kind of moments that our feelings drive us insane and we do not even realise it.

Learning

Thay said to the youth group that they all need to sit for a test to see how much that they understand  Thay’s and Co’s teachings in Buddhism. My boy said he is not going to sit for the test. I asked him why not. He said he doesn’t want to enter this kind of competition. I said: “This is not a competition. This is to test how much you understand.” He then said: “We should see our understanding on how we apply it on our daily lives, it’s not on a piece of paper.” I totally agree with him but before we can apply these theories to our lives, we first need to understand what the theories are? 

There are three parts to learning:

1.       through books, people’s talks or things that we have experienced;

2.       after reading a book, hearing someone’s talk or our experience, we analyse;

3.       after we have analysed, we think they are good and workable then we apply.

The temple can teach us the first part of learning. The monks and nuns can only teach us theories and the way on practise. The second and third parts of learning are based on us.  

Why do we need to go to school and university to learn? Why do we need to read books and attend Dharma talks? It’s because we need to build up our first part of learning. A childhood friend of mine once told me: “You don’t need to go to Dharma talk or read any of these books. You only need to recite Buddha’s name then you will reach Nirvana.” I said: “Sure, but do you know why you need to chant Buddha’s name?” She said she doesn’t need to know.  I asked her whether she has a one pointed mind when she recite Buddha’s name. She said yes, her husband can and can recite 24 hours per day. I was amazed and surprised because I can’t do it myself. I then asked has he been fighting with her lately. She used to fight with her husband. She said yes. How can one fighting verbally and has one pointed mind on recite Buddha’s name. I asked if he is now reciting Buddha name days and nights, how can he find time to fight with her? How can he find time to restrict her and his children to watch TV? How can he be so mean to his family members and yet have time to recite Buddha’s name? I asked her why she recite Buddha’s name. She said her husband asked her to do so. I asked her does she feel at peace when she recites Buddha’s name? She told me there is miracle for recite Buddha’s name. I asked in what way. She said now a day she can get what she wants. She told me by reciting Buddha’s name, if you want chicken drumsticks, you get chicken drumsticks. For example she wants to get a cheap roast chicken in Coles then she went to Coles and there were roast chicken on special. What can I say to her? How can I make her understand that by reciting Buddha’s name will not make a miracle happen? How can I tell her that recite Buddha’s name is a form of meditation that can transform our troubled mind into a peaceful mind? How can I make her understand reciting Buddha’s name is not to ask for something? This is a lack of the first and second parts of the learning process.  We skipped and jumped to practise without understanding the reason why we doing it. All these superstitious and beliefs in miracles come into our daily practise just like that. How sad! No wonder Buddhism has become a religion instead of a way of life.

Here is my reflection on learning the cause of suffering – Greed, hatred and ignorance. Last night my daughter presented me a coupon for car hire – hire 3 days and get the 4^th day free from Budget. I have already hired a car for $230 because of my greed that the coupon tells me to get the fourth day free. I cancelled my original booking and used her coupon.  Guess what? I wanted to kill myself. It is $38 more than my original booking. I then went back to Qantas hoping to get the same deal but no, the cheapest deal I could get was $18 more than my original deal. My deal was gone. I hated myself so much why on earth I am that greedy. I had a great laugh with my daughter that my greediness drove me insane.  She asked: “Mum, are you mad at me?” I said why? It is my own fault that my greed drives my action. This is not her fault at all. I have the right not to listen but the ‘4^th day free car hire’ filled up my mind. I couldn’t see other things than the  ‘4^th day free car-hire’. I told her I planted the bitter seed that I will eat up my own stupid fruit and learn from this. This is all about learning. Learn the theories, analyse and apply. Do I really suffer for paying $18 more for my car-hire? You can say this stupid woman. I reckon this lesson is worth it. $18 for a lesson of greed. Cheap!  wahaha with tears. lol

Ignorance

Last Sunday Thay talked about the cause of suffering. Our physical and mental sufferings are caused by three things –craving, hatred and ignorance. What is ignorance? Ignorance means the inability to see the truth about things, to see things as they really are. Most of the time, we lack of understanding to see things as they really are, that is why we suffer. Like we see that our body and mind as permanent, as our total universe, as real as it can be. We are so much in love and attach to that it until the minute we step into our graves.  Because of this attachment, we start craving. We want to have a better house to live in, better food to consume, better clothes to dress our body and so forth.  We crave for the pleasures of the senses. We can even be extreme to pursue our happiness base on these material things and think that once we have all these, we will be happy. 

A funny incident happened on the same day. My sister came to visit us and found a new tub of Basil Chunky Dips in the fridge. She said with joy: “Ah… I am going to open it.” I told her it belongs to my boy but I said go ahead and eat it. After my boy found out his beloved dips had been opened by his aunt he got upset. I told him to look for the cause of his suffering. He told me once he knows how to apply the things he learnt from the temple he  does not need to sit for Thay’s test on their understanding of Buddhism. (This leads to my next piece of writing about learning.)  What caused him to be that angry? What is the big deal if someone opened his dips? Is this end of his world if someone opened his dips? This reminds me of the wind blows the flag or the flag moves by itself in a Zen story. Who open the dips or the dips open it by someone? Does it matter? It’s all in our mind. Because we  are attached to the dips, we call the dips ours. “I, Me, Mine” causes us to suffer. Our ego tells us this is mine, don’t touch.  Just look at this tub of dips, what is it made of? What happens after we eat it? What it will become? Will I be happy if I consume the whole tub of this dips? How long can I be happy for just on this tub of dips? Someone offended my ego. These dips can only give us a few minutes of pleasures for our taste buds. Should we spend that much of energy on thinking or even be angry about it? My boy and I have much to learn about seeing things as what they really are. Understand the theory and applying it on our daily lives is not as easy as it may seem.

Circle

We often draw circles for ourselves to stand in it. For whatever we good at or we think we good at, we draw that circle and lock ourselves in it. For example I have drawn a circle for myself for more than 20 years. I told myself that I am good in IT. My reason for this was I had many papers (University degrees) and many years of experience in this area. I thought I can never walk away from it and yet there is a new challenge coming up that I had to let go of this circle and walk away from it. It’s exciting and risk taken but I am willing to take up this challenge. After my bowel cancer operation, I see things differently. I have an urge to change my life style. I met the hospital chaplain twice during my 11 days at the hospital. I had two long sessions with her (who I have already forgotten her name) about fear, death and pain. I knew there are lot of people who have no family to go back to and long for someone to talk with. I also know many of us fear about death. I want to get into this kind of job to talk people out of fear. I have desire to work in this field but my husband and my mother reminded me about the circle they have drawn for me. I was lingering between money and job satisfaction. Whether I should or should not walk out of this comfortable circle that I have drawn for myself for that many years. We often confine to the circle we drew and hardly look outside the circle. There are so many exciting things happening around us and yet we let this circle restrict us to explore.

My sister has inspired me a lot in this. She never draws circle for herself. She has wide range of experience in jobs. She moves from one job to the others with different skill set. She is now in a job of her life that she can explore herself fully in management. She enjoys all her jobs. The job I admire most was she worked with different clients and experience different challenges with them. One day she came home with a story of the Cat Shit Hell and next day she told me the man with cancer who didn’t need to take medication for pain. I want to see her great stories with my own eyes. Although now she doesn’t need to work with her clients as a carer but she still has so many stories to tell. I want a job like this, full of colour, full of challenges and full of love and understanding for others. I am going to abandon my circle and move onto something wild and exciting. 

Hearing

Today is Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva celebration. Today is the day to remind ourselves to hear not only the external sounds but the sound within. Our hearing ability is far beyond what we can imagine but most of the time, we have selective hearing. We hear what we want to hear and react to what we don’t like to hear. We don’t know how much energy we have spent on the words that hurt us. This can carry on for years or until the minute we step into our own graves. It’s funny though for the person we spoke the words that hurt us might have forgotten. While these words are imprinted on a piece of iron in our minds. Do we have to torture ourselves like this? We know how to hear but do we know how to analyse what we have heard? If someone said you are stupid you get angry straight away. Do you agree that you are stupid? Is this true that you are stupid? If you are angry that means have accepted that you are stupid. If you are angry then the person who told you that you are stupid has succeeded his/her mission. This is our habit of dealing with things that we like to react. When we hear people say good things about us, we react with happy feelings inside us; when we hear people say bad things about us, we react with anger and resentment. We have collected so much rubbish in our subconscious mind (Sankara) through our six doors – eye – seeing; ear – hearing; nose – smelling; tongue – tasting; body – touching; mind – thinking. What to do with all this rubbish we have received into our subconscious mind? We need to understand what we received through these doors are things that temporary brings us pleasant or unpleasant sensations. These temporary sensations keep changing and have no self. ("No Self" means that the concept of "self" has no referent which has absolutely independent existence.) Because we are lacking of the understanding of these temporary changing sensations we suffer (because we are attached to them) We think they are real to us. It doesn’t matter if it’s a praise or scold from someone; we are attached to these words. Most of the time we just take in what others give us and we have no second thought about them. Do we have to take in people’s insults? No, we don’t. We have the right not to accept them. There is a story in Buddha’s time. Buddha was once insulted by an angry man. However, he did not lose his temper. The angry man got even more angry and asked why Buddha was not angry with his insults. Buddha asked the man if he ever bought gifts for his friends. The angry man replied that he certainly did. Buddha had asked if someone refused to accept his gift then who did that gift belong to. The man replied, in that case, gift would belong to him. On hearing man’s reply, Buddha calmly said, “In the same way, since I do not accept your insults, they remain with you.” 

Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva practises on hearing the world sound of sufferings and yet we practise on hearing all these like and dislike of words from others. We react to things we receive through our eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body and mind. We keep feeding ourselves with aversion and craving which do us more harm than good. We can get out from the habit of reacting by simply being aware.

Human nature – Competition

Competition is quite a serious sickness in human nature. We can see it happens in family, siblings, friends, colleagues, partners and even compete to our own self. We like to compete with others. We want to be the best and be top of others. This competitive feeling can control us to do things which others see as stupid or ridiculous. We are scared that others are better than us and so we compete. I remember when my children were little. My brother liked to compare his children with mine in school report cards and other stuff. So I often hide the truth from these people. I often tell them my children are doing ok even though they excelled in their school work. I don't want to put pressure on my children and I don't like people to compare my children with theirs.

Last night we had a great talk on this topic with my children. I asked my girl if her brother is doing better than her, will she get jealous? She said she will. She also admitted that she got jealous with her brother since he was born. She said it in a very truthful way. I understand her feelings but I never experience this kind of jealousy. Since young till now, I don't need to be jealous of my siblings because I have the world in my hands. May be this is how I  was brought up. My parents never compared me with others. I had a great childhood.

I know this kind of feelings are hurtful feelings when we can not be better than others. We feel threatened when someone is better than us. I feel sorry for these kind of people who continuously need to compete with others. Some people have a need to compete and win at all costs as a means of maintaining their self-worth. They feel threatened if they find themselves losing. The root of wanting to be better than others is craving and hatred. Actually we have six states of existence in our mind. We can be an animal when we are being ignorant/stupid; we can be a hungry ghost when we are being greedy and crave for more; we can be in hell when we have ill will; we can be Asura when we are full of anger and jealousy; we can be in heaven when we are feeling bliss and happy; we can be human being when we are in between of good and evil. We are living in these six states of existence and we suffer without knowing we suffer. That is where Buddha's teachings come in. Buddha showed us to recognise our human nature; closely observe it and see where it comes from; analyse it and see what is the true nature of these feelings; learn not to let these feelings become our master instead we are mastering these feelings.

The power of reciting Buddha's name

Last night I attended a Dharma talk. The talk was about five precepts and how we can help ourselves and children to observe these five precepts in the Western world. Then someone asked the nun what makes the nun change her initial practice from Zen meditation to preaching the pure-land and reciting Buddha's name. She told us this wonderful story about how she came to pure-land teaching. Here is her story: She met a nine years old girl who had terminal cancer. Her mother wanted to poison her so she could die quicker since she had another three children to feed. When the nun heard this, she went to visit this family. She saw the girl was in pain. She helped her to repent and taught her to recite Buddha's name. Within the same day, the girl passed away in peace. The nun said in this situation, how could she taught the little girl meditation. This is so true. When we have a healthy body and mind, meditation is the best way to understand ourselves and purify our mind but when it comes to young children and old people, recite Buddha's name is the best way to transform our trouble mind to become calm and at ease.

This it funny though, this nun is coming from Zen meditation to pure-land practise and I am from pure-land practice to Zen meditation. You may ask why? I hardly could recite Buddha's name with one point mind. I was quite frustrated that I couldn't calm my mind. I was looking for a method which I could calm my mind so I could recite Buddha's name better. So here I am in zen meditation. This is very true to me that once I practise meditation, I can recite Buddha's name with a one pointed mind. Don't get me wrong though, meditation is the best way to understand ourselves and purify our minds but when it comes to the crunch, reciting Buddha's name is the best way to transfer our fear, doubt mind into a peaceful mind. Maybe my practise is not skilful enough in meditation therefore when I was in pain, my equanimity was weak. I used recite Buddha's name to divert my attention away from severe pain. It worked every time. I love the combination of meditation and recite Buddha's name.

My mother asked can she recite Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva? Sure, why not? I have heard a story about an old woman she recited Om Mani Padme Cow instead of Om Mani Padme Hum. She still got the benefit of purify her mind as long as we willing to practise, recite Buddha's name is also a way of meditation. It doesn't matter we recite Amitabha Buddha, Sakyamuni Buddha, Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva or Om Mani Padme Hum, I think we will achieve the same result – purify our mind. There are so many benefit of recite Buddha's name. We can transform our suffering (such as trouble, worry and fear) mind into a calm and peaceful mind. We have better control our mind than just letting it run loose. We have no time to talk about other people's affair or thinking about our past or future. Buddha's teachings have psychic power over our transformation of our mind, speech and body/actions.

Merit

Years ago I met a friend. She was from Yi Guan Dao (一贯道). She got my family and I into her group. I protested on the fact that I became a member not in my own will. She said the more people she could get them the more merits she would get. I told her then she has no merit because we got in not by our own wish. Why people look at their merits like their bank account balance? Why people do ‘good’ for the purpose of building up their merits? I can not understand this. Offer a glass of water to a monk will get merit; Get people into taking Triple Gems will get merit; chanting the Ksitigarbha Bodhisattva sutra in the seven month of the lunar calendar will get merit; become a vegetarian will get merit, etc. There are all sorts of merits we can collect like gold coins in any of the online games. Why on earth a Buddhist become like this? This is because we lack of understanding the true meaning of Buddhism. People like my mother will tell you, she is a Buddhist but please don’t ask her what are Buddha’s teachings. She goes to the temple to make merit – burn incenses, prostrate to Buddha and donate money. She chants every morning. She believes the more she chants the more merits she will get. I also couldn’t understand why people have to count how many times they recite Buddha’s name per day. There are retreats that encourage people to count how many times a person prostrate to Buddha, how many times a person recite Buddha’s name per day and at the end you will get a prize. I thought we practice to attain our inner peace, but instead we get into this competition game of how many times you can chant/recite/prostrate. I wonder how a person can calm his /her monkey mind by clicking the counting machine to count each reciting of a Buddha’s name.

The Temple battlefield (old article I wrote back in 2009)

 

Every 7^th moon Luna calendar month, there are funny things happen at the temple. This year is the most extraordinary one. The first day of the month lots of people attended. I went there 45 minutes earlier and had found there were many seats taken. People either placed their glasses or belonging on the table to declare the seat has been taken. My sister and I had been pushed by a mother and daughter. She came late but wanted to sit in our seats. So she pushed my sister and I to somewhere else. That was okay no big deal for this. On second day the situation got worse. People even placed their name tag on the table to declare the seat have been taken by so on so. Even some seats have no personal belonging someone would come to you and said this seat has been taken by so on so. I have been pushed from one side of the temple to the other side then from other side to nowhere. This is amazing. I stopped going to the night chanting after the third night because I don’t want to see this chaotic event.

 I can chant at home peacefully and no one push me around. Although Shi Fu often said chanting at the temple with a group can motivate us to be diligent and the power of the group chanting will be much stronger than at home. This is very true especially when we chant the Lu Xiang Zhan. I can melt myself into the chanting but I never can do it at home. Shi Fu also said going to the temple can be a place to practice our cultivation. This is also true. I totally agree with this.

One day my friend from the temple rang and asked why I was not going to the temple. Was I sick? I told her no I am well and healthy. I told her the thing I saw at the temple. This is even more amazing. She said: “Yes, people go to the temple to place their personal belonging from every noon to make sure they have a place to sit.” She then offered me that she can save a seat for me because she was doing the same thing. She placed her pair of glasses on ‘her’ seat every afternoon. I was shock.

I thought Buddhists can live harmony but not quite. The Buddhists in our temple are amazing in a ridiculous sense. I don’t want to fight for my place at the temple. I am tired and don’t want to be part of the temple battlefield.

Pandora Bodhicitta

One and a half years ago, I got into this Pandora charms. My friend told me he bought a charm for his daughter every birthday since birth so he can give her a whole bracelet with charms when she turns 18^th birthday. I liked the idea but I didn’t have any action until one day in November 2009. My daughter alerted me an advertisement on Pandora charms. I asked her whether she wants one. She said yes. So my Pandora saga started.

I went on internet to look for them and studied them. I bought her a bracelet with 19 charms within 2 months. I showed it to my colleagues. My colleague Martin said I am insane that I spent that much of money in one bracelet.  I showed it to my sister and she said she wanted one. My inner self told me I want one too. I found so many excuses to pamper myself. I kept telling myself if I don’t love myself who will. Here I was again going onto the internet to search for “MY” own Pandora charms. I had lost myself completely for the beauty of this Pandora Mara. It was in my mind while I was driving; eating and sleeping. It had my total attention. I think my eyes could only see Pandora charms and nothing else.

Tuesday 30^th of March 2010, that day my mother fell over and I was nursing her at her home. I stayed at her house that night. She was asleep and I had nothing to do. I spotted a little booklet at her altar. It is the Diamond Sutra. I started to read it out loud and could see my Pandora saga right in front of my eyes. Where was my equanimity? I was trying to grasp onto something that I think it was important in my life. Something could give me a momentary happiness that satisfied my own ego. I thought I was enlightened from the Diamond Sutra but not quite. I was still so obsess with these tiny little charms.

Until 30th of April 2011 before mother’s day, my sister came and wanted to get more charms. I looked into my Pandora jewelery box and found no room to put any more charm. I was shock that I have spent that much of money to collect these charms. I reflect back the past 16 months that I was into this madness. I could see there is nothing wrong with Pandora charms. It is something wrong with me that I let myself into this Pandora saga.

Jeweleries and other worldly things such as fame and money have no definition of good or bad. It is we who prioritize them as important in our live. When we step back and look around, we realize we have chasing something like a noon in water. Before I couldn’t understand why some temples have a sign – turn around is shore (回头是岸) and now I understood. 

We often see jeweleries hang on the Bodhisattvas’ pictures. The Bodhisattvas are not attached to them. These jeweleries are as pure as lotus buds hanging on their bodies. I could see Pandora charms are as pure as lotus buds. It’s just me who attached to them to create this madness. Once again I discovered how crazy I was and had a great laugh. I still wear them though but have lost the sense of obsession from them.

Baby Tears

Last weekend I went to a garage sale and found a pot of green plant. What had attracted me about this plant was its name – baby tears. I bought it home and looked at it closely. Why this plant is named baby tears? I suppose its leaves look like tear drops. It gave me a very soft cool feeling. It is so soft and moist that when I place my hand on its leaves it feels as delicate as baby’s tears. This plant reminds me of a Tibetan Tara’s story. 

The story goes like this. Bodhisattva Avalokitesvara had been working for a long time to help boundless sentient beings. He helped hundreds of thousands of beings become free from samsara, but then when he looked back and realized there were still so many more beings suffering in samsara. He began to cry, and from his tears a lotus arose, a Tara appeared from the lotus, saying "Don't worry -- I will help you." How beautiful is this story! The tear of compassion and loving kindness from Avalokitesvara penetrates deep in my mind like raindrops falling onto the desert. My heart becomes soft with compassion. This also remind me of my son’s tears when he saw people at the market slaughtering live stocks. Just imagine these tears turn into lotus buds and purify the samsara within.

In general, the plant- ‘baby tears’ is regarded to an evil plant or invasive plant. This plant will suck up all the nutrients from the soil and kill other plants in the garden. Personally I love this plant. It will give a nice soft green look when it covers my stones and edging garden. I wish our compassion and loving kindness can be as invasive as this baby tears plant, grow and spread to the world, cover every corner with love and understanding, and kill all the discrimination and injustice, to live harmonious between sentient beings.

A perfect teacher

Last Sunday my sister said someone from the temple asked a question about who is your best friend (善知识) on the Dharma path? This makes me think about a perfect teacher. A perfect teacher and a best friend has the same meaning in this context.

A perfect teacher

Years ago I was looking for a perfect teacher. I told myself I would take my refuge in triple gems when my perfect teacher appears. But then I was thinking take refuge in triple gems and a perfect teacher are two different things. Why link them together? So I took my refuge before my perfect teacher appears. Several years gone by and the perfect teacher I was waiting for did not appear. At the end I realize there isn’t one. I hopped around from temple to temple to look for my perfect teacher and at the end I earned my name as a temple hopper. Finally I realize all people and things that I come across are my teachers and none of them are perfect. My children are my teachers. They teach me patience, toleration, love and how to be a mother. My children are not perfect. My parents are my teachers. They teach me how to be a good person. They are not perfect. My husband is my teacher. He teaches me the survival skill in now a day technology, forgiveness and compassion. My siblings are my teachers. My friends are my teachers. They teach me trust, faithful and worthy. The monks and nuns are my teachers. They teach me Buddha’s teachings. A flower, the sky, a cloud, a river, a tree, a pebble, natural disasters and so on teach me the law of impermanent. The four seasons teach me the beauty of impermanent. My little dog teaches me compassion and loving kindness. I, myself is a teacher to myself. I am not perfect. I am full of ignorance (without mindful), greed (can’t control myself) and hatred (hot temper). I just can’t name them all. All these imperfect and perfect teachings from the phenomena become A Perfect Teacher for me. I am no longer looking for a perfect teacher because I see them around me every single day. 

I met a Western Buddhist monk few years back. Some people warned me he was a bit extreme. Through his extreme, he helped me to see Buddhism in different angle. He helped me to ripe through all the layers of rituals, traditions, customs and so forth to see the essence of Buddha’s teachings. He kept telling me nuns, monks and any type of gurus are human beings, and they are not perfect. He let me challenge him. He taught me so much. Through his departure, he taught me life is full of suffering but with Buddha’s teachings we could turn the suffering into pure-land. He taught me how to face death. He taught me how to turn my grief into wisdom. I don’t know what I have done to have a great teacher like this. Here is one of his favourite sayings:

In the black, there is some white

In the wrong, there is some right

In the dark, there is some light

In the blind, there is some sight

Pebbles

I like to collect pebbles. Whenever I visit beaches, hills or creeks I like to collect pebbles from each place. I remembered years ago we went to Arkaroola. I was bush walked with my children. On the way back to our campsite, I spotted a fist size of pebble lying in the middle of the road. I picked it up and it had great feeling. It was so smooth and I knew it’s not just a normal pebble. I think it’s some short of gemstone. I named it heart-of-desert. I like to beach walking so I can watch the waves come and go. I like to pick up seashells and pebbles along the shore. I also like to walk along creeks. Listen to the running water brings me peace and tranquility. 

There was once we went to Deep Creek National Park, we did 7 km bush walk for one morning. When we reached a small bay I found a more than 2kg of pebble. I put it on my backpack. On the way back, my hubby saw me struggle with my backpack. He said he would carry it for me. When he picked it up and said what a hell was in my backpack. I asked him not to open and carry back to the campsite. He was swearing all the way back.

There was once we went to Flinders Ranges with my sister and her daughter. We picked up a bag full of the peacock stones and some crystals from varies gorges. My hubby told us off and ordered us to put them back. We put back half of it and hid the rest under our seats. He said we were thieves. 

On the way to Uluru, we passed Coober Pedy. We stayed there for a night. Coober Pedy is the best place to pick up Opals. We picked up Opals on the main street and even in our Campsite free of charge. Pity I couldn’t pick up any pebbles from Uluru otherwise I would. There are warnings not to pick up anything at the Uluru National Park. I couldn’t go home empty handed. Instead of free pebbles, I bought some from the souvenir shop.

Recently on Adelaide Cup day my hubby dragged me to a place with him. I was not 100% pleased but because of my duty I went with him. When we finished our job, in my surprise I spotted a beautiful pebble on the footpath next to our car. I picked it up and had a feel for it. I was in love with it. It looks like a kidney. It even has some veins like a kidney. It is so smooth. I named it kidney stone. I said to my hubby, it is waiting for me to take it home. I was so happy. He thought I was crazy. I showed my new pet to people around and they all agreed. 

Years ago I met a monk who liked to give out thunder eggs.  His stone delivers a message: “What we are looking for is not outside of ourselves.” When he handed me the first stone, he asked me what I can tell him with the stone. I gave him several meanings that I could find. He smiled with approval. I then gave his stone to a person who was desperately needed it. I told the monk, he did not feel unhappy that I gave his stone away, instead he gave me a bagful next time he saw me. He said he was happy for me to give out his stones and deliver his message. I again gave all his stones away and of course made lots of people happy. On his last visit, he handed me a special one with his hand written “This crocodile is especially for you.” He said: “For you only and hope you will keep it.” He then gave me a boxful of stones to give to people. I wonder how many people got his message.

I like to use pebble to teach children the Glad Game. This game is from a book called Pollyanna. I give each child a wrapped present. Inside it has a pebble. I asked them what do they glad about to receive this pebble and each child needs to give me three things. I then teach them how to turn a pebble into a pet. I knew Thich Nhat Hanh teaches children to use a pebble to control their anger. When they feel angry, they touch the pebble and acknowledge it, take deep breath and let go. He also teaches children pebble meditation. Pebble tells us lot of things. Pebble tells us the impermanent, tells us the beauty of nature, tells us our Buddha nature, tells us we are one, not pebble, not us.

What is the purpose of life?

Last Wednesday I attended a funeral with my parents. There was a group of women spoke out loud about the purpose of life. One said the meaning of life is to have money. She continued: “Without money, people can’t buy a good looking coffin like her.” I repeated after her - the meaning of life is to have money. A Chinese Buddhist monk stood beside me and asked: “What?” I repeated again. He gave me a puzzled look. I smiled and said: “It said by one of your members.” He gave me a funny look and walked pass me. The group continued talking and said she must be fulfilled her life because she has more than 50 children, grand children and great grand children. I went close to the coffin and looked at the dead woman. I wonder will she agree.  To me I think she had a hard life to bring up this bunch of people. I only have two children and find difficult at time to bring them up. My parents totally agreed with these people. They think a good looking expensive coffin and a big funeral ceremony is good to end up with. They think to have lots of children, grand children and great grand children are the best status of a family. May be this is the meaning of life for my parents and for some. My father then asked will the funeral people change a lower grade coffin before they cremate. They are afraid people will take away their beautiful coffin. I asked my father: “When a person died, will that person care what happen to his/her dead body let alone his/her coffin?” Well my father said this is for people to see. My sister added what about a good looking expensive ashes urn? (She seems into ashes urn. She got her cat and dog expensive ashes urns and our second brother thought she is crazy.) My father also said filial children will get their parents a good coffin. I asked whether they want someone love them, care for them and listen to them while they are alive or they want someone who won’t care for them, won’t be there with them when they alive but will get them a good coffin after they are dead. It took him so long to think about my question. How sad! Of course he will get what he wishes for but I just wonder is our purpose of life is not to lose faces. Chinese people like to have faces. They scare to lose face. 

I looked close at the dead woman trying to find her purpose of life. Her face was full of wrinkles, couldn’t expect too much from a 99 years old. She looked like she is in peace with her eyes closed. Maybe she had found her purpose of life and fulfilled whatsoever she had fulfilled. I deeply wished her in peace and could be in a better place for her next round.

When they carried her out from the funeral parlous, I felt sad, sad about the Annica, Dukkha and Anatta. But, but…these are the TRUTH that no one could denial. Babies born, people die, people get sick, these are as natural as can be; as natural as spring, summer, autumn and winter; as natural as a flower bloom in the morning and die out in the evening. These are natural things happen around us and within us. We accept this and live a happy life. We know these Truths and so we hope we won’t attach too much into things, words and emotions. So back to purpose of life, what is it? Is it money? Is it expensive coffin? Is it having lots of children, grand children and great grand children? Is it successful in career? Is it fame? Is it good looking? Is it being in love? Is it family? Or is it happiness?

A paper bark wooden jar

Last Sunday I received a wooden jar from a Dharma friend of mine Tony. My sister asked: “Your ashes urn?” I smiled. This jar looks like an acorn. The fragrance of the paper bark filled the atmosphere. The texture of the wood, a small beautiful bark still intact, the cracks, the colours, and the look and feel of jar are amazing. It is so gorgeous that I couldn’t put down. When I hold the jar, I could feel the sunshine, the rain, the birds which house by this paper bark, the insects, the rich soil and the mother-nature who nurtured this tree. The most special feeling that I could feel is Tony’s compassion and loving kindness towards his friend.

Years ago I did a study in Gum trees for my year 12 art. My art teacher asked me why I am into gum trees? There are lots of people like to study human beings but I only like Gum trees. This has to go back to my first day in Australia. When I arrived in Australia, I saw most of the trees were not tall, not straight and not green neither. I found them fascinating. Living in this harsh climate and they are still stand that I have a deep feeling for them. I then found out they are the native gum trees. I love to look at gum trees. I like their colours, the snow gum has bright red and yellow stripes, the ghost gum has it’s ghostly white colour, the red gum has it’s brownies red colour, the grey gum has it’s greyish white colour, etc, etc. They all have wonderful fragrance. I especially like the lemon scented gum tree. Every time I walk pass one, I will have a short meditation under the gum, feel its beautiful scent and be part of the tree.

From one of my job interviews, one interview panel asked me why I like trees and especially gum trees. I told him trees are full of live. Gum tree has characteristics of adaptation, resilient, persistent and perseverant. I like to look at the way they reach out to the sky. I like to look at the fallen barks, the resin and the gum nuts. I also like to collect different type of gum nuts. May Gibbs brings the gum trees alive with her Gum nut Babies. Her imagination is truly amazing.

My ashes urn? Will be good if I can rest in it but I won’t settle with only one tree. I am sure this paper bark was a pure land for birds, insects and others. I am sure it is a pure land for the friendship between Tony and I.

Thanks Tony! Thanks paper bark tree! Thanks mother nature! Thanks Thien Tu Hy Xa!

Three days to live

I wonder if we have only three days to live then what will we do? I asked my hubby this question. He said he will sit there and wait to die. I asked my daughter the same question. She said she will spend some of her money to do the things she wants to do; she will donate some money to charity; she will visit all her friends and relatives to say good bye. I asked my son. His respond was he will donate all his money to the needed people, say good bye and practice hard for the last minute.

They are all good answers which has no right or wrong. Somehow for me, I want to make myself a cupper tea and enjoy my tea first. I prefer to do whatever I need to do before someone tells me this news. I don’t like to do things in a hurry. If I have money to donate, I prefer to donate before my departure. I prefer to tell my relatives and friends that I love them whenever I have my chance. It’s just like I study for an exam. I prefer to study before hand and when the exam comes, the night before I won’t touch my textbooks. I would sit there and enjoy my peace. I used to be the last minute person and my hubby taught me this when I was in second year university. If we want to have the best result, we do things before hand.

I then asked what happen if we have only one minute to live? What sort of things we can do if we only have one minute to live? My son said practice hard. My daughter said let it go. But I said wait we do have choices either we want to die happy or sad, smiley or cranky face. If we die with cranky face, our family will be unhappy because of us die unhappy. If we die with a smiling face, our family would be at peace. So why cranky face?  

On the Eight Precepts Day (27/02/2011)

The dark blue sky

fills with morning fragrance

A shy moon

hides behind

The morning orchestra 

chirps and croaks

Harmonically through the soft breeze

What a wonderful pure land!

When can we have real happiness and security?

My husband received a booklet from a religion group who knocked on our door. He handed me the booklet. It titled “When can we have real happiness and security?” I asked my husband when does he think we can have real happiness and security? He said according to the Bible when the day of judgement comes. I insisted an answer from him not from the Bible. He said he doesn’t know.

Why can’t we have real happiness right now at this moment and feel secure at the same time. What is happiness? What makes us happy? I remember years ago my GP Dr Le Cong asked me what makes me happy. I answered when I see my parents are healthy and my children are well behaved. He said my happiness is based on conditions and it’s not my real happiness.  Then what is real happiness? I have searched on since that day. I asked lots of people about this question – Are you happy? I also asked most of the monks and nuns I have met. Some said this and that, and some even avoid answering me direct. Is happiness that hard to attain? The answer is no.

Back in 1994 I was having postnatal blue after my second child birth. I couldn’t get out from this depression for a long time. At the same time I have made redundant from my best job of my life and I had a boss from hell on my new job. I got discriminated for being a woman, a mother and an Asian from my boss. On top of all these, I have a husband wanted to divorce with me if I worked too hard. I attempted to commit suicide. I couldn’t think there was a way out. I think I was the unhappiest person on this world. No one could understand me and care if I disappear from this world. One day I drove along Greenhill road to work. I was thinking why do I want a bigger house? Why do I want to have a brand new big 4-wheel-drive? Why do I want to have all these things? I saw myself chasing these material things like a dog chasing it’s own tail – round and round. I told myself to stop chasing. This is a game that I have played for more than 30 years – a better grade, a better job, a better house, a better car, a better ….. I have non-stop chasing and yet I was so unhappy. I couldn’t understand myself. I look around. There are millions people dying without food; disasters have happened every single day; pollution; greenhouse affect; etc. etc. why am I worrying my own tiny problems? I couldn’t find an answer until I started my spiritual quest in 1996.

 During my spiritual quest, I bumped into 2 big cults – Yi Guan Dao and Master Qing Hai. I couldn’t find my inner happiness in these two groups so I searched on. The minute I found Buddhism, I know all my problems have been solved. I read lots of the Buddhist’s books I could find and internet search. I started to understand lots of things. I understand myself. Why I behave like this? I feel content. After my vipassana  retreat, many trips to Asia visiting orphanages and nursing homes, and my recent bowel cancer event. I finally understand what is real happiness. We don’t need to wait for it to come. It’s right here, right now. I look out the window at my work station, I see the blue sky. I smile to myself. Today is such a beautiful day and I am so happy that I am still breathing, typing this article.

Real happiness is:

Being content

Helping others

Wanting less

Happy for others’ happiness and success

Understand and accept the impermanent, so that we don’t feel scare and worry

Appreciate your surrounding – people, things, place, climate