Greed

From my last article on learning, I talked about greed. I have to tell a funny story about this greed. Years ago, my husband bought a big TV. I mean it was big, real big. He told my sister this big TV was on special in Big W if she wanted to get one for herself. She watched our TV and enjoyed it very much. So she was determined to get one for herself. On that particular day, she rang her husband from work, woke him up and made sure her husband got there first thing when the shop opened. She couldn’t trust her husband so she took a sicky and went to the shop with her husband. Finally she got what she wanted a big TV. She got home and cleared all her stuff out from her room, placed her TV in and realised her room was too small for it. She then put all her stuff back to where they were and finally found some room in her living room for this big TV. After all this running around and hard work, she connected her TV. She was exhausted and saw her craving for a big TV drove her to do all these. She laughed out loud and told everybody about her lesson. The way she described her greed is hilarious. Don’t we all have this kind of moments that our feelings drive us insane and we do not even realise it.

Learning

Thay said to the youth group that they all need to sit for a test to see how much that they understand  Thay’s and Co’s teachings in Buddhism. My boy said he is not going to sit for the test. I asked him why not. He said he doesn’t want to enter this kind of competition. I said: “This is not a competition. This is to test how much you understand.” He then said: “We should see our understanding on how we apply it on our daily lives, it’s not on a piece of paper.” I totally agree with him but before we can apply these theories to our lives, we first need to understand what the theories are? 

There are three parts to learning:

1.       through books, people’s talks or things that we have experienced;

2.       after reading a book, hearing someone’s talk or our experience, we analyse;

3.       after we have analysed, we think they are good and workable then we apply.

The temple can teach us the first part of learning. The monks and nuns can only teach us theories and the way on practise. The second and third parts of learning are based on us.  

Why do we need to go to school and university to learn? Why do we need to read books and attend Dharma talks? It’s because we need to build up our first part of learning. A childhood friend of mine once told me: “You don’t need to go to Dharma talk or read any of these books. You only need to recite Buddha’s name then you will reach Nirvana.” I said: “Sure, but do you know why you need to chant Buddha’s name?” She said she doesn’t need to know.  I asked her whether she has a one pointed mind when she recite Buddha’s name. She said yes, her husband can and can recite 24 hours per day. I was amazed and surprised because I can’t do it myself. I then asked has he been fighting with her lately. She used to fight with her husband. She said yes. How can one fighting verbally and has one pointed mind on recite Buddha’s name. I asked if he is now reciting Buddha name days and nights, how can he find time to fight with her? How can he find time to restrict her and his children to watch TV? How can he be so mean to his family members and yet have time to recite Buddha’s name? I asked her why she recite Buddha’s name. She said her husband asked her to do so. I asked her does she feel at peace when she recites Buddha’s name? She told me there is miracle for recite Buddha’s name. I asked in what way. She said now a day she can get what she wants. She told me by reciting Buddha’s name, if you want chicken drumsticks, you get chicken drumsticks. For example she wants to get a cheap roast chicken in Coles then she went to Coles and there were roast chicken on special. What can I say to her? How can I make her understand that by reciting Buddha’s name will not make a miracle happen? How can I tell her that recite Buddha’s name is a form of meditation that can transform our troubled mind into a peaceful mind? How can I make her understand reciting Buddha’s name is not to ask for something? This is a lack of the first and second parts of the learning process.  We skipped and jumped to practise without understanding the reason why we doing it. All these superstitious and beliefs in miracles come into our daily practise just like that. How sad! No wonder Buddhism has become a religion instead of a way of life.

Here is my reflection on learning the cause of suffering – Greed, hatred and ignorance. Last night my daughter presented me a coupon for car hire – hire 3 days and get the 4^th day free from Budget. I have already hired a car for $230 because of my greed that the coupon tells me to get the fourth day free. I cancelled my original booking and used her coupon.  Guess what? I wanted to kill myself. It is $38 more than my original booking. I then went back to Qantas hoping to get the same deal but no, the cheapest deal I could get was $18 more than my original deal. My deal was gone. I hated myself so much why on earth I am that greedy. I had a great laugh with my daughter that my greediness drove me insane.  She asked: “Mum, are you mad at me?” I said why? It is my own fault that my greed drives my action. This is not her fault at all. I have the right not to listen but the ‘4^th day free car hire’ filled up my mind. I couldn’t see other things than the  ‘4^th day free car-hire’. I told her I planted the bitter seed that I will eat up my own stupid fruit and learn from this. This is all about learning. Learn the theories, analyse and apply. Do I really suffer for paying $18 more for my car-hire? You can say this stupid woman. I reckon this lesson is worth it. $18 for a lesson of greed. Cheap!  wahaha with tears. lol

Ignorance

Last Sunday Thay talked about the cause of suffering. Our physical and mental sufferings are caused by three things –craving, hatred and ignorance. What is ignorance? Ignorance means the inability to see the truth about things, to see things as they really are. Most of the time, we lack of understanding to see things as they really are, that is why we suffer. Like we see that our body and mind as permanent, as our total universe, as real as it can be. We are so much in love and attach to that it until the minute we step into our graves.  Because of this attachment, we start craving. We want to have a better house to live in, better food to consume, better clothes to dress our body and so forth.  We crave for the pleasures of the senses. We can even be extreme to pursue our happiness base on these material things and think that once we have all these, we will be happy. 

A funny incident happened on the same day. My sister came to visit us and found a new tub of Basil Chunky Dips in the fridge. She said with joy: “Ah… I am going to open it.” I told her it belongs to my boy but I said go ahead and eat it. After my boy found out his beloved dips had been opened by his aunt he got upset. I told him to look for the cause of his suffering. He told me once he knows how to apply the things he learnt from the temple he  does not need to sit for Thay’s test on their understanding of Buddhism. (This leads to my next piece of writing about learning.)  What caused him to be that angry? What is the big deal if someone opened his dips? Is this end of his world if someone opened his dips? This reminds me of the wind blows the flag or the flag moves by itself in a Zen story. Who open the dips or the dips open it by someone? Does it matter? It’s all in our mind. Because we  are attached to the dips, we call the dips ours. “I, Me, Mine” causes us to suffer. Our ego tells us this is mine, don’t touch.  Just look at this tub of dips, what is it made of? What happens after we eat it? What it will become? Will I be happy if I consume the whole tub of this dips? How long can I be happy for just on this tub of dips? Someone offended my ego. These dips can only give us a few minutes of pleasures for our taste buds. Should we spend that much of energy on thinking or even be angry about it? My boy and I have much to learn about seeing things as what they really are. Understand the theory and applying it on our daily lives is not as easy as it may seem.

Circle

We often draw circles for ourselves to stand in it. For whatever we good at or we think we good at, we draw that circle and lock ourselves in it. For example I have drawn a circle for myself for more than 20 years. I told myself that I am good in IT. My reason for this was I had many papers (University degrees) and many years of experience in this area. I thought I can never walk away from it and yet there is a new challenge coming up that I had to let go of this circle and walk away from it. It’s exciting and risk taken but I am willing to take up this challenge. After my bowel cancer operation, I see things differently. I have an urge to change my life style. I met the hospital chaplain twice during my 11 days at the hospital. I had two long sessions with her (who I have already forgotten her name) about fear, death and pain. I knew there are lot of people who have no family to go back to and long for someone to talk with. I also know many of us fear about death. I want to get into this kind of job to talk people out of fear. I have desire to work in this field but my husband and my mother reminded me about the circle they have drawn for me. I was lingering between money and job satisfaction. Whether I should or should not walk out of this comfortable circle that I have drawn for myself for that many years. We often confine to the circle we drew and hardly look outside the circle. There are so many exciting things happening around us and yet we let this circle restrict us to explore.

My sister has inspired me a lot in this. She never draws circle for herself. She has wide range of experience in jobs. She moves from one job to the others with different skill set. She is now in a job of her life that she can explore herself fully in management. She enjoys all her jobs. The job I admire most was she worked with different clients and experience different challenges with them. One day she came home with a story of the Cat Shit Hell and next day she told me the man with cancer who didn’t need to take medication for pain. I want to see her great stories with my own eyes. Although now she doesn’t need to work with her clients as a carer but she still has so many stories to tell. I want a job like this, full of colour, full of challenges and full of love and understanding for others. I am going to abandon my circle and move onto something wild and exciting. 

Hearing

Today is Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva celebration. Today is the day to remind ourselves to hear not only the external sounds but the sound within. Our hearing ability is far beyond what we can imagine but most of the time, we have selective hearing. We hear what we want to hear and react to what we don’t like to hear. We don’t know how much energy we have spent on the words that hurt us. This can carry on for years or until the minute we step into our own graves. It’s funny though for the person we spoke the words that hurt us might have forgotten. While these words are imprinted on a piece of iron in our minds. Do we have to torture ourselves like this? We know how to hear but do we know how to analyse what we have heard? If someone said you are stupid you get angry straight away. Do you agree that you are stupid? Is this true that you are stupid? If you are angry that means have accepted that you are stupid. If you are angry then the person who told you that you are stupid has succeeded his/her mission. This is our habit of dealing with things that we like to react. When we hear people say good things about us, we react with happy feelings inside us; when we hear people say bad things about us, we react with anger and resentment. We have collected so much rubbish in our subconscious mind (Sankara) through our six doors – eye – seeing; ear – hearing; nose – smelling; tongue – tasting; body – touching; mind – thinking. What to do with all this rubbish we have received into our subconscious mind? We need to understand what we received through these doors are things that temporary brings us pleasant or unpleasant sensations. These temporary sensations keep changing and have no self. ("No Self" means that the concept of "self" has no referent which has absolutely independent existence.) Because we are lacking of the understanding of these temporary changing sensations we suffer (because we are attached to them) We think they are real to us. It doesn’t matter if it’s a praise or scold from someone; we are attached to these words. Most of the time we just take in what others give us and we have no second thought about them. Do we have to take in people’s insults? No, we don’t. We have the right not to accept them. There is a story in Buddha’s time. Buddha was once insulted by an angry man. However, he did not lose his temper. The angry man got even more angry and asked why Buddha was not angry with his insults. Buddha asked the man if he ever bought gifts for his friends. The angry man replied that he certainly did. Buddha had asked if someone refused to accept his gift then who did that gift belong to. The man replied, in that case, gift would belong to him. On hearing man’s reply, Buddha calmly said, “In the same way, since I do not accept your insults, they remain with you.” 

Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva practises on hearing the world sound of sufferings and yet we practise on hearing all these like and dislike of words from others. We react to things we receive through our eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body and mind. We keep feeding ourselves with aversion and craving which do us more harm than good. We can get out from the habit of reacting by simply being aware.