Pebbles

I like to collect pebbles. Whenever I visit beaches, hills or creeks I like to collect pebbles from each place. I remembered years ago we went to Arkaroola. I was bush walked with my children. On the way back to our campsite, I spotted a fist size of pebble lying in the middle of the road. I picked it up and it had great feeling. It was so smooth and I knew it’s not just a normal pebble. I think it’s some short of gemstone. I named it heart-of-desert. I like to beach walking so I can watch the waves come and go. I like to pick up seashells and pebbles along the shore. I also like to walk along creeks. Listen to the running water brings me peace and tranquility. 

There was once we went to Deep Creek National Park, we did 7 km bush walk for one morning. When we reached a small bay I found a more than 2kg of pebble. I put it on my backpack. On the way back, my hubby saw me struggle with my backpack. He said he would carry it for me. When he picked it up and said what a hell was in my backpack. I asked him not to open and carry back to the campsite. He was swearing all the way back.

There was once we went to Flinders Ranges with my sister and her daughter. We picked up a bag full of the peacock stones and some crystals from varies gorges. My hubby told us off and ordered us to put them back. We put back half of it and hid the rest under our seats. He said we were thieves. 

On the way to Uluru, we passed Coober Pedy. We stayed there for a night. Coober Pedy is the best place to pick up Opals. We picked up Opals on the main street and even in our Campsite free of charge. Pity I couldn’t pick up any pebbles from Uluru otherwise I would. There are warnings not to pick up anything at the Uluru National Park. I couldn’t go home empty handed. Instead of free pebbles, I bought some from the souvenir shop.

Recently on Adelaide Cup day my hubby dragged me to a place with him. I was not 100% pleased but because of my duty I went with him. When we finished our job, in my surprise I spotted a beautiful pebble on the footpath next to our car. I picked it up and had a feel for it. I was in love with it. It looks like a kidney. It even has some veins like a kidney. It is so smooth. I named it kidney stone. I said to my hubby, it is waiting for me to take it home. I was so happy. He thought I was crazy. I showed my new pet to people around and they all agreed. 

Years ago I met a monk who liked to give out thunder eggs.  His stone delivers a message: “What we are looking for is not outside of ourselves.” When he handed me the first stone, he asked me what I can tell him with the stone. I gave him several meanings that I could find. He smiled with approval. I then gave his stone to a person who was desperately needed it. I told the monk, he did not feel unhappy that I gave his stone away, instead he gave me a bagful next time he saw me. He said he was happy for me to give out his stones and deliver his message. I again gave all his stones away and of course made lots of people happy. On his last visit, he handed me a special one with his hand written “This crocodile is especially for you.” He said: “For you only and hope you will keep it.” He then gave me a boxful of stones to give to people. I wonder how many people got his message.

I like to use pebble to teach children the Glad Game. This game is from a book called Pollyanna. I give each child a wrapped present. Inside it has a pebble. I asked them what do they glad about to receive this pebble and each child needs to give me three things. I then teach them how to turn a pebble into a pet. I knew Thich Nhat Hanh teaches children to use a pebble to control their anger. When they feel angry, they touch the pebble and acknowledge it, take deep breath and let go. He also teaches children pebble meditation. Pebble tells us lot of things. Pebble tells us the impermanent, tells us the beauty of nature, tells us our Buddha nature, tells us we are one, not pebble, not us.

What is the purpose of life?

Last Wednesday I attended a funeral with my parents. There was a group of women spoke out loud about the purpose of life. One said the meaning of life is to have money. She continued: “Without money, people can’t buy a good looking coffin like her.” I repeated after her - the meaning of life is to have money. A Chinese Buddhist monk stood beside me and asked: “What?” I repeated again. He gave me a puzzled look. I smiled and said: “It said by one of your members.” He gave me a funny look and walked pass me. The group continued talking and said she must be fulfilled her life because she has more than 50 children, grand children and great grand children. I went close to the coffin and looked at the dead woman. I wonder will she agree.  To me I think she had a hard life to bring up this bunch of people. I only have two children and find difficult at time to bring them up. My parents totally agreed with these people. They think a good looking expensive coffin and a big funeral ceremony is good to end up with. They think to have lots of children, grand children and great grand children are the best status of a family. May be this is the meaning of life for my parents and for some. My father then asked will the funeral people change a lower grade coffin before they cremate. They are afraid people will take away their beautiful coffin. I asked my father: “When a person died, will that person care what happen to his/her dead body let alone his/her coffin?” Well my father said this is for people to see. My sister added what about a good looking expensive ashes urn? (She seems into ashes urn. She got her cat and dog expensive ashes urns and our second brother thought she is crazy.) My father also said filial children will get their parents a good coffin. I asked whether they want someone love them, care for them and listen to them while they are alive or they want someone who won’t care for them, won’t be there with them when they alive but will get them a good coffin after they are dead. It took him so long to think about my question. How sad! Of course he will get what he wishes for but I just wonder is our purpose of life is not to lose faces. Chinese people like to have faces. They scare to lose face. 

I looked close at the dead woman trying to find her purpose of life. Her face was full of wrinkles, couldn’t expect too much from a 99 years old. She looked like she is in peace with her eyes closed. Maybe she had found her purpose of life and fulfilled whatsoever she had fulfilled. I deeply wished her in peace and could be in a better place for her next round.

When they carried her out from the funeral parlous, I felt sad, sad about the Annica, Dukkha and Anatta. But, but…these are the TRUTH that no one could denial. Babies born, people die, people get sick, these are as natural as can be; as natural as spring, summer, autumn and winter; as natural as a flower bloom in the morning and die out in the evening. These are natural things happen around us and within us. We accept this and live a happy life. We know these Truths and so we hope we won’t attach too much into things, words and emotions. So back to purpose of life, what is it? Is it money? Is it expensive coffin? Is it having lots of children, grand children and great grand children? Is it successful in career? Is it fame? Is it good looking? Is it being in love? Is it family? Or is it happiness?

A paper bark wooden jar

Last Sunday I received a wooden jar from a Dharma friend of mine Tony. My sister asked: “Your ashes urn?” I smiled. This jar looks like an acorn. The fragrance of the paper bark filled the atmosphere. The texture of the wood, a small beautiful bark still intact, the cracks, the colours, and the look and feel of jar are amazing. It is so gorgeous that I couldn’t put down. When I hold the jar, I could feel the sunshine, the rain, the birds which house by this paper bark, the insects, the rich soil and the mother-nature who nurtured this tree. The most special feeling that I could feel is Tony’s compassion and loving kindness towards his friend.

Years ago I did a study in Gum trees for my year 12 art. My art teacher asked me why I am into gum trees? There are lots of people like to study human beings but I only like Gum trees. This has to go back to my first day in Australia. When I arrived in Australia, I saw most of the trees were not tall, not straight and not green neither. I found them fascinating. Living in this harsh climate and they are still stand that I have a deep feeling for them. I then found out they are the native gum trees. I love to look at gum trees. I like their colours, the snow gum has bright red and yellow stripes, the ghost gum has it’s ghostly white colour, the red gum has it’s brownies red colour, the grey gum has it’s greyish white colour, etc, etc. They all have wonderful fragrance. I especially like the lemon scented gum tree. Every time I walk pass one, I will have a short meditation under the gum, feel its beautiful scent and be part of the tree.

From one of my job interviews, one interview panel asked me why I like trees and especially gum trees. I told him trees are full of live. Gum tree has characteristics of adaptation, resilient, persistent and perseverant. I like to look at the way they reach out to the sky. I like to look at the fallen barks, the resin and the gum nuts. I also like to collect different type of gum nuts. May Gibbs brings the gum trees alive with her Gum nut Babies. Her imagination is truly amazing.

My ashes urn? Will be good if I can rest in it but I won’t settle with only one tree. I am sure this paper bark was a pure land for birds, insects and others. I am sure it is a pure land for the friendship between Tony and I.

Thanks Tony! Thanks paper bark tree! Thanks mother nature! Thanks Thien Tu Hy Xa!

Three days to live

I wonder if we have only three days to live then what will we do? I asked my hubby this question. He said he will sit there and wait to die. I asked my daughter the same question. She said she will spend some of her money to do the things she wants to do; she will donate some money to charity; she will visit all her friends and relatives to say good bye. I asked my son. His respond was he will donate all his money to the needed people, say good bye and practice hard for the last minute.

They are all good answers which has no right or wrong. Somehow for me, I want to make myself a cupper tea and enjoy my tea first. I prefer to do whatever I need to do before someone tells me this news. I don’t like to do things in a hurry. If I have money to donate, I prefer to donate before my departure. I prefer to tell my relatives and friends that I love them whenever I have my chance. It’s just like I study for an exam. I prefer to study before hand and when the exam comes, the night before I won’t touch my textbooks. I would sit there and enjoy my peace. I used to be the last minute person and my hubby taught me this when I was in second year university. If we want to have the best result, we do things before hand.

I then asked what happen if we have only one minute to live? What sort of things we can do if we only have one minute to live? My son said practice hard. My daughter said let it go. But I said wait we do have choices either we want to die happy or sad, smiley or cranky face. If we die with cranky face, our family will be unhappy because of us die unhappy. If we die with a smiling face, our family would be at peace. So why cranky face?  

On the Eight Precepts Day (27/02/2011)

The dark blue sky

fills with morning fragrance

A shy moon

hides behind

The morning orchestra 

chirps and croaks

Harmonically through the soft breeze

What a wonderful pure land!

When can we have real happiness and security?

My husband received a booklet from a religion group who knocked on our door. He handed me the booklet. It titled “When can we have real happiness and security?” I asked my husband when does he think we can have real happiness and security? He said according to the Bible when the day of judgement comes. I insisted an answer from him not from the Bible. He said he doesn’t know.

Why can’t we have real happiness right now at this moment and feel secure at the same time. What is happiness? What makes us happy? I remember years ago my GP Dr Le Cong asked me what makes me happy. I answered when I see my parents are healthy and my children are well behaved. He said my happiness is based on conditions and it’s not my real happiness.  Then what is real happiness? I have searched on since that day. I asked lots of people about this question – Are you happy? I also asked most of the monks and nuns I have met. Some said this and that, and some even avoid answering me direct. Is happiness that hard to attain? The answer is no.

Back in 1994 I was having postnatal blue after my second child birth. I couldn’t get out from this depression for a long time. At the same time I have made redundant from my best job of my life and I had a boss from hell on my new job. I got discriminated for being a woman, a mother and an Asian from my boss. On top of all these, I have a husband wanted to divorce with me if I worked too hard. I attempted to commit suicide. I couldn’t think there was a way out. I think I was the unhappiest person on this world. No one could understand me and care if I disappear from this world. One day I drove along Greenhill road to work. I was thinking why do I want a bigger house? Why do I want to have a brand new big 4-wheel-drive? Why do I want to have all these things? I saw myself chasing these material things like a dog chasing it’s own tail – round and round. I told myself to stop chasing. This is a game that I have played for more than 30 years – a better grade, a better job, a better house, a better car, a better ….. I have non-stop chasing and yet I was so unhappy. I couldn’t understand myself. I look around. There are millions people dying without food; disasters have happened every single day; pollution; greenhouse affect; etc. etc. why am I worrying my own tiny problems? I couldn’t find an answer until I started my spiritual quest in 1996.

 During my spiritual quest, I bumped into 2 big cults – Yi Guan Dao and Master Qing Hai. I couldn’t find my inner happiness in these two groups so I searched on. The minute I found Buddhism, I know all my problems have been solved. I read lots of the Buddhist’s books I could find and internet search. I started to understand lots of things. I understand myself. Why I behave like this? I feel content. After my vipassana  retreat, many trips to Asia visiting orphanages and nursing homes, and my recent bowel cancer event. I finally understand what is real happiness. We don’t need to wait for it to come. It’s right here, right now. I look out the window at my work station, I see the blue sky. I smile to myself. Today is such a beautiful day and I am so happy that I am still breathing, typing this article.

Real happiness is:

Being content

Helping others

Wanting less

Happy for others’ happiness and success

Understand and accept the impermanent, so that we don’t feel scare and worry

Appreciate your surrounding – people, things, place, climate