Chị Như Hương announced the India pilgrimage on Sunday 20th September 2015. She told me: "Ni Sư is going to conduct an India pilgrimage in 2016. Do you want to go?" I told her: "Thanks Chị, I have been to India for four times, I don't think I want to go again. She emphasised this is a pilgrimage with Ni Sư. I explained to her that every time I went to India it was for pilgrimage, not just for leisure travel.
During that Thiền session, Ni Sư's smile appeared many, many times in my consciousness mind. The idea of going to India and Ni Sư’s smile was instilled in my mind even after I got home. I could not resist her smile and the home feeling of being in India, so I made up my decision that I would go to India in 2016. On the 23rd of September I told my mother and sister Yen Khanh that I am going to India again. Yen Khanh smiled and said nothing. That night I sent my personal information to Ni Su and registered. I told my sister again that I have registered. She then asked me to put her name in as well. I was thrilled that she wanted to come with me.
I have been to India for pilgrimage four times in 2007, 2011, 2013 and 2014. I documented each time I went with photos and stories. This time will be my fifth time that I am not going to write about the four Buddhist holy places. Instead I am going to write about the pilgrimage I have travelled on Thiền Tánh Không.
As a Buddhist we cannot merely base our religion on beliefs. We ought to ask four questions and Thiền Tánh Không or Ni Sư has answered them clearly and concisely:
A) Why? Why do we want to learn from Buddha?
B) What? What is Buddha Nature?
C) Which? Which part of the human body that contains the true-mind (Buddha-mind; precuneus)?
D) How? How can we achieve our goal?
A) Why? Why do we want to learn from the Buddha?
Firstly, we need to understand what Buddha had awakened from and his enlightenment before we can answer why we want to learn from him.
I read Gotama Buddha's biography many times, and have read and retold this story many times. Previously I had interpreted his life as a novel, not as something that I could learn from.
I knew Prince Siddhartha saw the impermanence and the suffering, which motivated him to search for liberation. I never thought about these things deeply when I read his biography:
1) The right method/technique of practice is more important than a teacher.
2) The four jhanas (định có tầm có tứ, định không tầm không tứ, tỉnh giác định, định bất động) he attained under the bodhi tree
3) What Buddha actually realised and discovered.
The young prince’s first awakening was when he saw old age, sickness and death. His second awakening was after when he was taught by his two yoga teachers (Alara Kalama and Uddaka Ramaputra). He realised the right method was more important than a teacher. He could not liberate himself through the cycle of birth, old age, sickness and death from his two teachers.
After 6 years of extreme ascetic life, he still couldn't liberate himself. His third awakening was when he realised that tormenting one's physical body was not the right way to seek for the ultimate truth or indulging one's pleasures. (middle way as a path of moderation)
He went through four levels of jhanas under the Bodhi tree. After the fourth week of deep samadhi, his mind became calm and tranquil. He acquired the power of being aware of all his previous lives. Through further insight, he acquired the divine vision, the power to see all things and to know the future rebirth of all beings. He thus came to realise that unceasing the circle of death and rebirth of all beings is solely a manifestation of one's karma; that is, one's thoughts and deeds. Finally he observed that the ultimate cause of turning the wheel of birth and death in the vast sea of suffering is ignorance and the attachment to transient and illusory pleasures - the twelve links of dependent origination. He had discovered the cause of and the method of elimination of all suffering.
Base on his profound discovery about the truth of nature (Buddha nature or the Suchness), we ought to have this right understanding of the phenomenon. This can help us to the realisation of liberation.
B) What? What is Buddha Nature?
When the Buddha became enlightened he realised that all beings have the same nature and potential for enlightenment, and this is known as Buddha Nature. Buddha Nature is simply the true nature of reality and all sentient beings. This true nature has the nature of emptiness, non-self and is continuously changing. Thus the true nature of the phenomenon (including us) is as such; The Way is as such; we are as such; the whole universe is as such. It cannot be named or described because it is just as such. It is always there. It has no beginning or ending. We have to have direct experience to see it with our wisdom. Thiền Tánh Không has explained very clearly and concise in their teaching material. This is very difficult to explain without science’s help. I have not found a clear explanation about this true nature of things as Thiền Tánh Không. (If anyone wants to know more, please attend the Intermediate Meditation Course Level 2 from TTK)
C) Which? Which part of the human body that contains the true-mind (Buddha-mind; precuneus)?
Science can now prove what Buddha told us in his discourse about the area which his mind was in or attained. He told us about our false minds (consciousness/ý thức - the present mind, thinking mind/ý căn - mind of the past and intellect/trí năng - mind of the future) are constantly changing. If we cling on these false minds, we suffer. He also told us through deep meditation, it could get us into the area of the happiest cells in our human body which is the precuneus (Buddha Nature/The Nature as such). In Pali language it is called Vitakkavacāra (beyond logic).
Through his meditation experience, science has proved what chemicals have produced in each stage of mind. For example science has proven if we meditate with a calm and tranquil (without inner dialogue) mind then our body will produce some chemicals such as acetylcholine, dopamine, serotonin and melatonin. That is why after a good session of meditation, we feel relax in our mind and body. A mind full of anxiety and stress will produce chemicals such as norepinephrine and epinephrine, chemicals which can harm our body. The end result will get us into diseases such as high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. etc.
Through science technology such as EEG (Electroencephalography) and fMRI (Functional magnetic resonance imaging), we know from this false mind (In Buddhism means this shore. In science means frontal lobes of both left and right brain) to the other side of the shore - the true mind (back left side of the brain) is not hard to achieve if we have the right technique.
D) How? How can we achieve our goal?
As a meditator we know we ought to keep our mind calm, tranquil and equanimity but how? There are many ways or techniques to keep our mind calm. The most popular ways are observing our breath, chanting Buddha's name, using mandalas such as meditation objects, using visualisation, using counting methods and so on. Thien Tanh Khong uses the technique ‘Không Nói' (Don't Talk). Before we get into this technique, Ni Sư explains the cognition process.
There are four steps of cognition:
1) Semantic cognition – we need to understand the meaning of our topic. For example ‘Suchness'.
2) Procedural cognition – we set up a procedure to experience further in the topic we have chosen. For example: walking meditation, siting meditation and come out of meditation.
3) Episodic cognition – we experience the warmness, saliva, seeing light and whatever things have happened during our meditation.
4) Evocative cognition – from time to time we remind ourself the topic we meditation such as 'suchness'. We do this for not falling into the stage of losing the awareness.
Before we can use the cognition process we need to use the technique of 'Don't Talk' to reach a level of complete no self-inner dialogue. 'Don't Talk' acts as an order/command. We want our mind to recognise this order. Once our mind is calm and silent we can see the phenomenon objectively, not judgementally through our nature of awareness (seeing, hearing and touching). The basic requirement to activate these nature awareness is no inner-self dialogue.
We need to recognise the status of ‘Don’t Talk’ (ie. silence) when we give this order in our mind. Thus when we meditate, we can bring up this stage of 'Don't talk' as a subject in our mind. This can help us to reach a calm and tranquil stage of mind in an instant. If we practice this daily and consistently then it will lead us into the Suchness mind.
Through our practice we can see for ourselves whether we are on the right path. The more we practice the happier we get and our body is in a healthy stage, then we know we are on the right path. We are not superstitious, nor do we base our knowledge on beliefs. The best of this technique is that you can test it for yourself. For example I measure my blood sugar level before and after meditation to see if this method would work. I have tried the technique of 'Don't Talk' and observed the beneficial effects on my mind and body. As in the Kalama Sutta, Buddha said: "after thorough investigation and reflection, you find to agree with reason and experience, as conducive to the good and benefit of one and all and of the world at large, accept only that as true, and shape your life in according with it."
The beauty to be able to dwell in the Suchness mind is we can unlock our wisdom from within, no conflict in our mind and can see the world around us objectively. Furthermore we make peace between our mind and body. Because this right view, we have no attachment to the things and people around us therefore we have liberated from suffering. We will be a happier person for the sake of being alive.
To sum up this Pilgrimage, it takes me to a journey of understanding of myself, a journey with no return, a journey of spiritual significance - Atakkavacara, a journey to liberation and eventually a journey to enlightenment.
16 October 2016
The 9th of September 2016 is an important day in my life as Ni Sư accepted me as her lay disciple. I was overjoyed. I have finally found a teacher and the Dharmas who I want to commit for life.
Ni Sư asked me to write an article about my spiritual learning. I was reluctant because I didn't know how to write. I told Ni Sư I would like to take refuge. We had some conversation about my previous refuge. She asked what sort of name I wanted to have. I asked: "Can I really pick my own name?" She smiled and said yes. So I picked Như Không (as emptiness). She looked deep into my eyes said: "The word Không (emptiness) is a bit hard." She said my personality is hard and wanted to have a softer name for me. Finally she gave me a dharma name as Như Huyễn (as illusion). I fell in love with this name straight away. This is such a great reminder on my dharma path. I came home and told my son about this name. He looked into my eyes and said: "please mum, don't look at me as an illusion!" I smiled and said nothing. After a good night sleep my mind was clear and I could see the structure of this article.
Our life is like an illusion, like a dream, let me start my story with a dream. Back in 1980 I had a dream. In my dream I saw Avalokitesvara bodhisattva up in the sky and asked me to jump up and follow her. No matter how hard I tried I could never reach her. I madly sweated after a few tumble turns but failed. She looked at me with love and said "practice well and I will return." Once I woke up from this dream I thought for a very long time- How could I practice? In what way that I could reach her. At that time I didn't know the answer.
In the beginning of 1995, my dreamed government job has outsourced and I received a golden handshake. My son was only few months old and I had a large mortgage to pay. I entered the private sector world as a consultant. The workplace environment was like hell, as my boss discriminated me for my ethnicity and gender. Furthermore, he made me work more than 11 hours per day but payed only 8 hours. My life had turned upside down. At that time I could not see any hope in my life plus I had postnatal depression. I could not find any meaning in my life. I had a thought of committing suicide.
In 1996 I met someone through my sister-in-law who asked me whether I wanted to know the triple gems and the diamond sutra. I was overwhelmed about the things she had mentioned. I said I would love to know right away but she said someone would tell me in her house. I went home and asked my sister and my mother. They all said they want to know, so we went. That day we had been forced to become their members as Yi Kuan Tao. When I came out from their practice place I said to them: "these triple gems are not what I want." My friend asked "What are the tripe gems that you are looking for?" I said I didn't know but if it wasn’t for this event I would not have started my spiritual quest. My quest was to find out what are the triple gems and the meaning of the diamond sutra. I also had a strong belief in vegetarianism after they landed me a book on how people farm chicken.
In 1998 my vegetarian opportunity finally came as my father diagnosed a kidney cancer. My mother wouldn’t dare to stop me to become one as I had tried many times since 1996 and failed. All my family members thought I was the most filial child because I gave up meat for my father.
In 2000 I bumped into a Vietnamese woman who claimed she had enlightened. My son's Chinese teacher took me there. The first session was okay. When I went there again I my intuitive feeling tells me to avoid this group. So I left this group.
In the same year I had an opportunity to join a Buddhist group to go to China for pilgrimage. When I stepped on Mount Pu Tou I knew what I have been looking for. The place gave me a sense of home and belonging. I burst into tears for the joy that I had found the triple gems I was longing. Vaguely I could see the light to reach Avalokitesvara bodhisattva in the dream I had back in 1980. At that time I thought I know the way to practice. I told my sister Yen Khanh that the teacher I was looking for would never appear. Instead of waiting for ‘the’ teacher, I took my refuge to the triple gems with my whole heart. I had entered the Buddhism door of Pure Land.
After chanting for a few years I wanted to introduce what I practiced to my children. My son once asked me is there a Pure Land? His question made me think. Is there a place called Pure Land? I was not so sure as I had never been there. Should I believe what people tell me? I went to three 7 days chanting retreats. The more I chanted the more I was puzzled. Until I met a westerner monk in 2004 I asked him about Pure Land. He asked me to read the Kalama Sutta and the Mahaparinibbana Sutta from Nikaya. The Kalama Sutta teaches us to not believe in anyone until we have tried out their theories. If it works then we may follow. Mahaparinibbana Buddha told his disciples many times to work diligently and use themselves as an island; use his teachings as a teacher. At that time I thought Pure Land does not exist.
I was lucky to have met a Sri Lankan monk at the Sri Lanka Buddhist temple in Adelaide. The monk asked me to attend a 10 days vipassana retreat conducted by the Goenka group. I attended my first retreat in 2006. This group taught 2 things: Anapana and vipassana. First 4 days we practiced awareness of our breath. From the 5th day onward we started vipassana which observed our body sensation objectively/equanimity. Day 5 was the most extraordinary day I had for this retreat. From the very young age I had this question which I often asked my mother: "Why Avalokitesvara bodhisattva has such a smile on her face? Why do we prostrate in front of her?" My mother would say she would protect me in my study and grow up as a good person. When she took me to the temple, I often looked at the bodhisattva and wondered. In the last four days of Anapana practice I experienced suffering and the impermanent through my body. On the 5th day my mind was in a very calm and equanimity stage. I experienced the non-self also through my own body based on observing body sensation, as well as Avalokitesvara's smile also appeared that day. Through this non-self I understood why she smiles as such and the meaning in the Heart Sutra. I experienced the heart sutra through my body sensation. I had some sort of understanding about contemplating at ease. I could not use words to describe what I had experienced. I was so excited that I couldn't sleep that night. I meditated whole night. During the next day I thought I would be tired, instead I was energetic.
I had another dream of Avalokitesvara after the retreat. In this dream she gave me a lesson on karma- cause and effect. She asked me to pick out three cards from a bag and lay them on the floor. Each card had 3 different faces, but I could recognise them that they were all me. She smiled and gave me her bag and asked me to lay them on the floor. There were about 40 cards. There were some animal faces, men faces and women faces. I examined each of them and said they are all me. I had finally realised that she wanted to tell me the birth and death of many lives. I asked: "how can I exit this birth and death game?" There was a very loud voice which answered my question: "base on your straight and true mind!" I woke up and ponder on what is a straight mind, true mind? I did ask a Chinese monk about this true mind but I could not understand his explanation.
In 2007 my westerner monk friend agreed to take me to India for a pilgrimage. Unfortunately after we bought our tickets he was diagnosed with oesophagus cancer which had spread all over his body within 2 weeks. He told me he wouldn't die in peace if I withdrew from my trip to India. So I went with this in my mind. I had burst into tears at the sight of the Buddha’s relics in the museum. I wonder how many lives I have reincarnated with my ignorance and now I had this opportunity to face Buddha even though it was only his relics. I was overwhelm and felt I have left home for so long. I now returned to my own father's embrace. I found peace under the Bodhi tree at Bodhgaya.
In 2008 my westerner monk friend passed away. He has shown me by practice we could face death at ease. Before he died he told me he would let me know where he is going. He even sent me an email the night before he died. A month after he passed away, he was in my dream. In this dream he told me he has a last lesson for me to learn which was the four immeasurable minds: loving kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity. How can I develop these 4 immeasurable minds? I have no answer to this question at that time. After his funeral one of his disciples from USA sent me a book titled 'Zen under the light of science' written by Thich Thong Triet as a gift. I flipped few pages and put it aside among my other books. It was too technical.
In 2010 that year I left the job I thought I would work until my retirement. Unfortunately something had happened so I had to leave. After I left the medical pathology I entered into the education field. I was diagnosed with bowel cancer. This was my first letter I received from the impermanent. I treated my 10 days hospital stay as my vipassana retreat. I was aware every single breath during my hospital stay. I was not afraid at all. I worked up to the date I had my operation. I was lucky as my cancer was at the first stage. This was one of my miracles as I discovered my cancer through my daily vipassana meditation.
In 2012 I bumped into a massage teacher due to my curiosity. On my second session she offered me to be her student. She said for the last 9 years in Australia she had never taken in any student even though there were many people who requested. I was thrilled. I took the offer, so I started working in her home to learn her skill. She amazed me with her skill which I saw with my naked eyes for 2 Parkinson patients. A 60 years old male who was told from the specialists that he had 3 months to live was able to swallow with 3 treatments, and after 1.5 years was able to walk. I was there to help her to massage his legs and arms while she did his tummy. We went there 3 to 4 times per week. I thought this job was not so bad if I can ease someone's pain. So I started to help old people in the Vietnamese temple as volunteer work. I also learnt to use my Qi to heal people. At that time I thought maybe this was my path to lessen other’s pain as this was also a bodhisattva way. One thing I didn't know was I was/am a clay bodhisattva. An incident happened during my 3rd pilgrimage to India. This incident taught me bodhisattva way should heal people's inner suffering, rather than the physical form. After a long thought, I realised this was not my path.
In 2014 I went for my third vipassana retreat. I didn't mention my second retreat because I only did half of my retreat due to my mother's illness. On the 4th day my mind was calm and tranquil. Suddenly I had an extraordinary experience. I felt a hot boiling feeling which began from the top of my head running down to the tips of my toes. It felt as if my whole body was in sauna. I observed my sensation, moved on and did not pay too much attention to it. It again happened the next day at the similar time. I was puzzled and thought: “Hmmm… strange! Is this some sort of special power?” I requested a time to see the teacher. I reported this sensation of mine to her. She looked at me and asked: “How old are you?” I said I am 51 years old. She smiled and said this is a hot flash during menopause. I burst into laughter. I told her that I thought I had some sought of superpower. We both laughed out loud.
In 2015 I met my friend Nganh in central market. She told me she got into a group. She wanted to introduce this group to me. I didn't pay too much attention. She rang me again and told me how much benefit she got from this group. There was someone who took over her phone and said: "This is Tham. I have to tell you this meditation is really good. I have a book called Zen under the light of science." I said to myself. Hang on I have this book somewhere on my bookshelf. After the phone call I searched on my bookshelf and found this book. I flipped through it and went online to look further. I found Ni Sư Triệt Như on YouTube. I listened the 'Tâm Trong Đạo Phật'. It made a lot of senses to me. I then watched the next video clip until I couldn't find any more on YouTube. I agreed to come along to see what this group was up to. First I met chị Hương, she was very enthusiastic to introduce Thiền Tánh Không to me. In my mind I said to myself I would wait and see. Few sessions later I met chị Chi. She was even more enthusiastic than chị Hương. She talked 2 hours on the benefits of practicing meditation. I didn't tell them much about myself because I was thinking I might not stay. The two of them turned up every session and went through the basic techniques of TTK. They were extremely thorough. I had developed trust with them.
I told my sister Yen Khanh about Thiền Tánh Không. I told her what I have learnt from YouTube and showed her Ni Sư's photo. I also told her about the coming courses: The fundamental and Prajna I. She said to put her name down. I gave her the DVD from chị Hương. I didn't think she would watch it. Anyway I was so excited when the time had come. We both went to Chùa Pháp Hoa. We sat at the front row because I needed to watch Ni Sư's mouth to be able to catch each word from her. I listened attentively without a single thought. The materials she delivered were unbelievable. They were clear and concise. I couldn't believe that I could understand her with my limited Vietnamese. I was thrilled. What I have watched on YouTube was different from watching her face to face. Each day my sister and I recapped what Ni Sư has delivered on the way home. We have been learning Buddhism since 2000 and just within five days we have learnt far more than the last 15 years.
When Ni Sư delivered the topic 'Not to Label' my mind brought me back to Master Dai In's talk at Saravasti. Straight away I saw the true nature of the phenomenon around me. I finally understood what master Dai In had tried to tell me. I was far too happy that I didn't care much of what has happened in my life. I started to see things as what they are. I have learnt to let go of expectations. I couldn't sleep that night. I knew master Dai In must have had something important to tell me. Sorry it took me that long to have half of the understanding of his talk. I saw our old habit of self-chattering. This also led me to the understanding of master Dai In in regards to 'Silence is the best Dharma!' This silence meant no self-chattering in our mind, not our speech.
I have to say I have practised this 'As It Is' and kept my mind equanimity for 9 years through my vipassana practice. But for me I only kept this during my sitting meditation and did not utilise these techniques for my daily life. After the Prajna I course Ni Sư taught us 'See As It Is' and use it in our daily life. From here I have learnt to see, hear and feel as it is. This is a very powerful technique. Straight away my mind has not discriminated good or bad, right or wrong.
I am a very skeptical person. When I have learnt something new I have to try it out to see the result before I believe in it. After the two courses I want to see what Ni Sư said is working, such as acetylcholine can reduce blood sugar level. As my sugar level was a bit high for the past few years so I thought I am going to test this out. I measured my blood sugar level before and after sitting meditation with the subject of 'Don't Talk' (Không Nói - KN). I recorded the differences. I saw it change dramatically. I was happy but during the day it would go back up. I did this for a while and then stopped. I then tested this with a different technique. I used the KN in 4 postures (walking, standing, lying and sitting + Qi Gong). At the beginning I said KN in my head (I couldn’t say it out loud or stick the words KN on the wall because of my family issue.) I repeatedly said KN in my mind for as long as it only has these two words. I then stressed these two words KN in one or two minutes apart. I kept practice until I don’t need to say the KN in my head and am aware I am KN. From time to time I used the evocative cognition to remind myself I am KN so that I will not falling into the stage of losing the awareness. During the day when I am busy working on my daily chores then I might forget. Once I remember I am out of this status of KN, I return back to my practice by saying KN silently in my mind then get back into the status of KN.
For nearly five months my blood sugar has been between 4.2 and 5.7 no matter what I eat. I tested myself by eating a lot of carbs at night, eating dessert, eating things I have avoided before and my blood sugar level is still under the threshold. It is unbelievable! I believe having a calm and equanimity mind is very important for our body.
Through our practice we can see for ourselves whether we are on the right path. The more we practice the happier we get and our body is in a healthy stage, then we know we are on the right path.
In 2016 from a whole year of waiting I finally met Ni Sư again to get more teachings from her. I was so lucky to have two days to stay with her. Thanks to chị Chi and chị Hương who offered this to me. I wanted to learn more about her personality and how she deal with things. So I know the teacher I am following is the correct teacher for the rest of my life. This is far more important than finding a partner for marriage because this is who s/he can help me to liberate and exit this reincarnation game. If Ni Sư reads my writing she might think I am not up to her standard as her student but I don't care, I am going to follow her whether she lets me or not.
During her class Prajna II she taught us about The Suchness. She asked us to look at her without self-chattering in mind and recognise the stage of the mind at that moment. I was overwhelmed that I have met my Suchness. It was like peekaboo . Although it was short but I recognise it. Now I have completed my jigsaw puzzle from master Dai In and the answers of my questions (how can I reach Avalokitesvara? Why Avalokitesvara has that smile? What are the true and straight mind mean?). I started to see the Pure Land in the Amitabh sutra. This Pure Land is right here and now. All these wonderful words in the Amitabh sutra could not describe this stage of mind. I wanted to do a sun dance. I wanted to hug Ni Sư. I wanted to tell my son I have finally understood 100% from master Dai In but I didn't think my boy would understand what I have experienced. I just couldn't tell him that is that.
Prajna III was straight forward after I have cracked the crunch of Chân Như. When Ni Sư talked about illusion I was smiling to myself. Now I see the illusion. Things happened so real and yet they are only momentary. We think we have hold on to the things or people around us but not quite.
A big lesson I had learnt recently was my own father’s passing after the illusion course. He let me learn many lessons: a lesson of suffering; a lesson of impermanent; a lesson of non-self; a lesson of illusion; a lesson of love; a lesson of birth, old age, sickness and death; a lesson of letting go; a lesson of liberation from all these; a lesson of strong faith to walk on the dharma path. I love my father dearly and yet he just disappeared in front of me just like a magic show. All the theories from Ni Sư helped me to face a situation like this in a calm and clear mind. I truly thankful thầy Thiền Chủ and Ni Sư from Thiền Tánh Không to let me understand Buddha's teachings in a way that I could understand and accept. My mind was calm because I know this is as it is. I accept all things happen to me at ease. This is life. This is how things should be. I can see the Suchness of the phenomenon around me and I think I glanced my own Suchness, not dwell in as yet but a glance. Of course this glance of Suchness is also as an illusion.
What is my father? What is my mother?
What is my husband? What are my children?
What are my brothers? What are my sisters?
What is love? What is affection?
What is success? What is failure?
What is being born? What is dying?
What is sickness? What is old aged?
What is cause? What is effect?
What is right? What is wrong?
What is a car? What is a house?
What is power? What is privilege?
What is “I”? What is “You”?
What are the things that I can hold onto?
When I am alive, I attach to these things
But when I die, what can I take with me?
Only the karmic force will come with me
Like the shadow
Stand by me wandering in this Samsara.
All these are as illusion, are these not?
Now I know a place
Which has no beginning nor ending
No death nor being born
No heaven nor hell
No suffering nor end of suffering
No samsara nor wandering
Just dwell in
A place
That is just that.
16 October 2016
