Circle

We often draw circles for ourselves to stand in it. For whatever we good at or we think we good at, we draw that circle and lock ourselves in it. For example I have drawn a circle for myself for more than 20 years. I told myself that I am good in IT. My reason for this was I had many papers (University degrees) and many years of experience in this area. I thought I can never walk away from it and yet there is a new challenge coming up that I had to let go of this circle and walk away from it. It’s exciting and risk taken but I am willing to take up this challenge. After my bowel cancer operation, I see things differently. I have an urge to change my life style. I met the hospital chaplain twice during my 11 days at the hospital. I had two long sessions with her (who I have already forgotten her name) about fear, death and pain. I knew there are lot of people who have no family to go back to and long for someone to talk with. I also know many of us fear about death. I want to get into this kind of job to talk people out of fear. I have desire to work in this field but my husband and my mother reminded me about the circle they have drawn for me. I was lingering between money and job satisfaction. Whether I should or should not walk out of this comfortable circle that I have drawn for myself for that many years. We often confine to the circle we drew and hardly look outside the circle. There are so many exciting things happening around us and yet we let this circle restrict us to explore.

My sister has inspired me a lot in this. She never draws circle for herself. She has wide range of experience in jobs. She moves from one job to the others with different skill set. She is now in a job of her life that she can explore herself fully in management. She enjoys all her jobs. The job I admire most was she worked with different clients and experience different challenges with them. One day she came home with a story of the Cat Shit Hell and next day she told me the man with cancer who didn’t need to take medication for pain. I want to see her great stories with my own eyes. Although now she doesn’t need to work with her clients as a carer but she still has so many stories to tell. I want a job like this, full of colour, full of challenges and full of love and understanding for others. I am going to abandon my circle and move onto something wild and exciting.